acknowledgingautism

If only I  If only I could go out with, my friends at night and not believe the myth, The myth I’ve made that I will not cope, when the night gets late and people start to provoke. If only I could be like others my age, and go to parties and engage, In things that make life fun instead of always being the odd one. If only I could feel as if I fitted in, and be part of a group wherein, I could show as much or as little as I liked and not be judged for being different or psyched. If only I could spend time with my friends, and no longer need to pretend, That I’m doing fine and I’m feeling good and act in a way that would be misunderstood.   If only then I could have known, that being scared wasn’t the end, In actual fact I was being quite brave, and the myths I made were only waves. Waves which passed once I found things that would outlast, the feelings I felt when my cards weren’t being fairly dealt. If only then I could have knew, that to be the odd one...

Finding something difficult shouldn't be a reason not to try People need to understand that if they’ve met one person with autism, they’ve met one person with autism. That autism is not one size fits all. It’s a spectrum which means that everyone is different just like anyone else. People need to understand that autistic people are capable of just as much as neurotypical people. Someone with autism shouldn’t feel that they can’t do something because they’re autistic, instead they should use their diagnosis as even more of a reason to overcome what others might think is impossible. One day we will live in a world that is equal, a world in which those on the spectrum don’t need to worry about being treated or thought of any differently. But until then autistic individuals need to continue to fight and show others, both those on the spectrum and not, that they have the same opportunities and chances as any other person in this world. That a driving test can be passed, that A Level...

I finally got it  I finally got it. I finally understood that it was all going to be ok. That I was going to be able to live a life without the comfort and safety of school. I understood that I was going to be able to do it and I felt excited for my next journey. My next adventure. I finally felt brave, I was happy. I understood that leaving wasn’t the end and in actual fact it was only the beginning. For months I had been dreading my last day in school, for weeks before I would try and do all I could to make time slow down, I was so anxious and worried about leaving. Whilst I now know that the anxiety and worry I felt was not necessary, I wouldn’t have wanted to change the way I felt. Experiencing those feelings taught me that things do work out in the end, that very often things aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be, that everything will all be ok. For months I had been fighting something that I didn’t want to happen – I was afraid, but when it did happen there was nothin...

Feelings on my last day of school I always expected my last day at school to be harder than it was today. Today has been far easier than I ever could have imagined. Not only has it been filled with happiness, but I’ve also been able to smile and laugh and hug the people who have played such an integral role in my journey over the last few years. Today I have proven to myself that I am going to be able to do this, that I am far stronger than I think I am. I hope I was also able today to show those who have supported me on this journey that I am going ok and that this is just the start. When I woke up this morning, feelings of sadness and worry filled my head. I knew that the day ahead was going to tough, that I’d have to face many challenges and that the day itself and the ways I was going to feel were going to be unpredictable. There was one thing that was certain though. That I was going to have to leave for the last time. That in less than 8 hours I would no longer be a student, I ...

  Next Thursday - worries about my last day in school Next Thursday is going to be a difficult day for me, I don’t think I or anyone around me knows how difficult it is actually going to be. Leaving school has always been a big worry of mine. For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with the absence of school over weekends and school holidays but have managed to get through them as I’ve known that I will be able to return once the weekend or holiday is over. This struggle is going to be different though because I won’t be returning. I think I’ve known that this has been coming for a while. I’ve known that the end has been approaching, fast. I’ve tried the best I can to block it out though. I’ve had other things to look forward to that have helped distract me from the end point. But now time is running out, the end is in sight and Thursday – my last day in school – is the next big thing happening. I so want to be able to look back on my last day and for it to bring a smile to ...

If you ever look and wonder If you ever look and wonder just where all the time has gone, What happened to the days where you had to be so strong? If you ever look and wonder and reflect on the time you’ve had, Focus on the good don’t spend time thinking about the bad. If you ever look and wonder and feel scared by what the future might hold, Focus on the path ahead and not too far down the road. If you ever look and wonder just where all the time has gone, How have you got this far in life with all that has gone wrong. Remind yourself that life is a journey, a journey that takes time, A journey of growth that often requires an uphill climb.  

Not feeling able to be yourself After being diagnosed with autism, school soon became the one place where I really felt I could be myself. It didn’t matter who was around or where I was, whenever I was in school I didn’t need to think about who I was and how others might react to my actions because I was able to just be me, always. Then one day that changed, and I no longer felt I was able to be or act myself anymore whilst I was in school. I felt as if I had to keep everything inside and not show the real me or how I was really feeling, I was afraid of the consequences and reactions that might come from others. I no longer could walk around without having to think twice about whether my actions could have consequences, I no longer could say what was really on my mind. I couldn’t be me.   For years previous to my diagnosis and months after it too I used to pretend I was someone I wasn't, I would hide the ‘autistic side’ of me as I feared other people’s reactions. Then when I star...

  What if I had been diagnosed earlier? What if I had been diagnosed earlier? A question I often ask myself. There are things that have happened in my life that I would have found a lot easier to handle had I known I was autistic. Not only would it have been easier for me if I had received a diagnosis at an earlier age, but I think it would have also made my parent’s lives and those around me a lot easier too. Understanding that there was an explanation to why perhaps I was a bit different from other people would have saved many tears and frustrations. For me, growing up not knowing why I wasn’t like other people my age was difficult. Throughout primary school I struggled to make friends and when I did eventually find a group of girls I thought were my friends, I didn’t see or notice that actually what they were doing to me wasn’t friendly at all and was actually bullying. People often ask me about my transition from primary to secondary school. I don’t really have a great memory o...