If only I - poem





If only I 


If only I could go out with, my friends at night and not believe the myth,

The myth I’ve made that I will not cope, when the night gets late and people start to provoke.

If only I could be like others my age, and go to parties and engage,

In things that make life fun instead of always being the odd one.

If only I could feel as if I fitted in, and be part of a group wherein,

I could show as much or as little as I liked and not be judged for being different or psyched.

If only I could spend time with my friends, and no longer need to pretend,

That I’m doing fine and I’m feeling good and act in a way that would be misunderstood.

 

If only then I could have known, that being scared wasn’t the end,

In actual fact I was being quite brave, and the myths I made were only waves.

Waves which passed once I found things that would outlast, the feelings I felt when my cards weren’t being fairly dealt.

If only then I could have knew, that to be the odd one out was a route I’d later choose to pursue,

That being odd was nothing to hide and in later life I would take it in my stride.

If only then I could have knew, that to be part of a group wasn’t superglue,

That to be part of a group wouldn’t fix, all my struggles like glue does with bricks,

That instead I’d find my own way, my own people, my own cliché.

If only then I could have known, that I am anything but on my own,

The feelings I felt and the thoughts I had were not because I was going mad,

Instead, other people shared those same feelings too, if only back then I could have knew.

 

If only I could have known back then that it was brave of me to push on when,

I woke everyday not knowing the way, yet continued to fight regardless of not being able to see the light.

Now I understand that not fitting in isn’t such as bad thing,

That to stand out takes courage and resilience,

And often comes from those with years of experience. 






 

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