If only I - poem
If only I
If only I could go out with, my friends at night and not
believe the myth,
The myth I’ve made that I will not cope, when the night gets
late and people start to provoke.
If only I could be like others my age, and go to parties and
engage,
In things that make life fun instead of always being the odd
one.
If only I could feel as if I fitted in, and be part of a
group wherein,
I could show as much or as little as I liked and not be
judged for being different or psyched.
If only I could spend time with my friends, and no longer need
to pretend,
That I’m doing fine and I’m feeling good and act in a way
that would be misunderstood.
If only then I could have known, that being scared wasn’t the
end,
In actual fact I was being quite brave, and the myths I made
were only waves.
Waves which passed once I found things that would outlast,
the feelings I felt when my cards weren’t being fairly dealt.
If only then I could have knew, that to be the odd one out
was a route I’d later choose to pursue,
That being odd was nothing to hide and in later life I would
take it in my stride.
If only then I could have knew, that to be part of a group wasn’t
superglue,
That to be part of a group wouldn’t fix, all my struggles like
glue does with bricks,
That instead I’d find my own way, my own people, my own cliché.
If only then I could have known, that I am anything but on
my own,
The feelings I felt and the thoughts I had were not because I
was going mad,
Instead, other people shared those same feelings too, if
only back then I could have knew.
If only I could have known back then that it was brave of me
to push on when,
I woke everyday not knowing the way, yet continued to fight
regardless of not being able to see the light.
Now I understand that not fitting in isn’t such as bad
thing,
That to stand out takes courage and resilience,
And often comes from those with years of experience.
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