What if I had been diagnosed earlier?

 

What if I had been diagnosed earlier?

What if I had been diagnosed earlier? A question I often ask myself. There are things that have happened in my life that I would have found a lot easier to handle had I known I was autistic. Not only would it have been easier for me if I had received a diagnosis at an earlier age, but I think it would have also made my parent’s lives and those around me a lot easier too. Understanding that there was an explanation to why perhaps I was a bit different from other people would have saved many tears and frustrations. For me, growing up not knowing why I wasn’t like other people my age was difficult. Throughout primary school I struggled to make friends and when I did eventually find a group of girls I thought were my friends, I didn’t see or notice that actually what they were doing to me wasn’t friendly at all and was actually bullying. People often ask me about my transition from primary to secondary school. I don’t really have a great memory of this time and can only recall certain moments. I can imagine though that I probably found it a very difficult and quite overwhelming transition, one that could have possibly been made a lot easier had I known I was autistic back then. There’s been many occasions out of school too that had I known I was autistic could have been more effortless and made easier to manage, more accessible. Mostly though, its not about what an earlier diagnosis could have done to make things more accommodating in what I did daily, it’s about what it could have made me feel.

I spent almost 18 years of my life feeling confused and frustrated, empty and alone. It brought me down and at points I did greatly suffer with my mental health. I was desperate to understand who I was. For a long time I knew I was a bit different, there were things that I struggled with that others did so easily. For a while I think I was able to ignore these things, but then when I began to find myself a bit more in secondary school, the frustrations and feelings of anger towards myself became harder to manage on my own. I was constantly annoyed at the way I was and confused because I couldn’t find a reason. In search of an answer, I tried to change things about myself.

After receiving my diagnosis, I blossomed. I was able to understand myself. I could learn what I needed and let go of what I didn’t. I could understand my sensitivities and my differences. No longer was I frustrated about not being able to find a reason to why I was a little different from other people – autism was my answer.

Autism is often seen as a negative thing. This confuses me. When I received my autism diagnosis, it offered an explanation for everything, it was like I was finally given permission to be me. And then from there on everything else fell into place. It made sense – I finally understood everything. After spending 17 years of my life in the dark, it felt like the warmest light. It quite literally was the light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t see how this is a negative thing. If anything, the negative thing is that it took me that long to figure out who I actually was. The negativity is in the fact that there are so many other people like me out there. There are so many others who don’t yet know that they’re autistic. People need to be more educated and aware of the signs that can present in those on the autistic spectrum. Parents, teachers, every individual who works with children should be familiar with the different ways that autism can present in young people. Maybe then, people wouldn’t be having to wait until adulthood for the comfort and answers that a diagnosis can bring. Every autistic person deserves the feeling of comfort of understanding themselves. No one should have to wait 17 years (or even longer) to access this part of themselves. My diagnosis saved my life, and there are so many others that need that life saving moment too. Saving a life isn’t a negative thing.