acknowledgingautism

There was once a time where I was afraid of change and feared new situations and things I had never done before. Until recently I would always avoid social situations, I would turn down invites to parties and evenings with my friends. Sometimes not feeling as if I was able to go to these situations did upset me, it caused much frustration and often still does. Going out after work is something that others I work with do quite regularly, up until a couple of weeks ago I had never been out with them. I’ve worked with them for 3 years. The summer holidays have always been a big fear of mine. Six weeks of change and uncertainty would cause a lot of anxiety. I would find it hard to fill my days to keep me busy and distracted. I always relied on the consistency of school and struggled with the absence of it. Everything also seems so much busier during the summer holidays and so I used to find things, that I could usually do quite easily, difficult too. This summer though, somethings been...

  My Journey, a journey to finding me - poem The day that I found out, I wish I could have known then what it would all be about. I wish I could have known then that it would all be ok, and that actually this diagnosis would make sense of everything that had stood in my way. That all the confusion and all of the pain would now be explained by this one single day. That this one single day would now pave the way for a life filled with happiness instead of days filled with dismay.   The day that I struggled, I wish I could have remembered then that its ok to feel troubled. I wish I could have remembered then that dark days don’t last, and that those feelings of trouble would soon be in the past. That whilst on those days I might have felt alone, I was certainly not on my own.   The day that I understood, I wish I could have seen then this journey I’m on that looks good. I wish I could have seen then the me that’s standing here now, because if I could have...

How my autism diagnosis changed me. When I was first diagnosed with autism, I was determined to not let my diagnosis change who I was. People close to me reassured me by saying things like I was still the same person. At the time this did help me accept and come to terms with my diagnosis. However, looking back now I think it is unfair to say to people going through an autism assessment/ diagnosis process, that an autism diagnosis doesn’t change you, that you’re still the same person after you’ve been diagnosed. Of course, it doesn’t change you physically, it’s not something that people can suddenly see - for a lot of individuals with autism, people wouldn’t be able to tell they were autistic. But I don’t think I’d be being honest if I said that my diagnosis hasn’t changed me. In truth it has. It’s allowed me to understand myself a lot better. It’s offered an explanation for the things that I find difficult. It’s made my whole life make sense. If I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism t...

  What would I have wanted teachers to know? If I could go back to year 7, knowing what I know now about having autism, I’d have asked teachers to be patient. I would have wanted them to know that the reasons to why I took so much of their time were more than just being over emotional and not believing in myself enough. I would have asked them to think before they just suddenly changed the lesson or seating plan. I would have wanted them to know that this caused great anxiety and panic for the remaining time in the day. I would have asked them to not change the way they saw me or spoke to me or did things for me, but to just have a bit more understanding of how things might affect me differently to other students. How on a bad day, the slightest of unexpected noise, or change or unnecessary comment could have really been quite challenging. How I liked to sit near a window, so that when I was struggling, but didn’t feel able to show it, I could instead look out of the window and pic...